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7 Comments Made by Spam Bots

December 24, 2011

Clever Musings gets some spam comments, just like everyone else does.  I went through the spam filter and picked out some funny comments from the first page.  These aren’t necessarily “ha ha” funny, but more of a “so bad it’s hilarious” kind of funny.  And because I’m in a good mood, I’m going to share these comments.  And, I’m going to respond to them.  If the comments don’t make you laugh, then maybe I will.  (I don’t care if you laugh with me or at me, the goal is just to get you to laugh.)

#7. More Targeted Traffic

Oh, wow!  1000 visitors per day?  That’s a lot!  But wait, no it really isn’t.  Clever Musings (currently) does not get 1000 visitors a week, but I’m not enthralled by this “offer.”  This is one of those tricks where they list a high number and it sounds really good because humans are bad when it comes to numbers.  But what’s the trade off?  Probably some malware on my system just from clicking the link, but they would also probably be taking a cut of the revenue; notice how it doesn’t say anything about being free?  See, if there are two things humans are bad at, it’s recognizing large numbers and resisting free stuff.  Then again, if they advertised free stuff and didn’t deliver, then they’d get sued.  I doubt they have the money to deal with the legal system.

The second reason it’s total crap?  Clever Musings doesn’t run any ads, so we don’t get any money just on a per hit basis.  (Actually, I don’t think we make any money at all.)

#6. Ego Boost!

Thanks for commenting, Mr. Repair.  I hope to get much more content posted in the near future!  This is honestly the most well-composed spam comment in the entire trash folder.  I’m almost tempted to strip the website information and undelete it.  Then again, it doesn’t actually contribute anything meaningful for discussion, other than a falsified ego boost.  I may have low self-esteem, but I’m way above needing spam comments to cheer me up.

#5. I feel strongly about [LFR]

I’m sorry to say, Doris, but he didn’t buy you breakfast because you found him an opinion piece on WoW‘s LFR tool.  He bought you breakfast so he get into your \pants\ directory.  I shudder to think of how the “big thumb up” came into play, though.

Wait, acne medication?  Just because I have bad acne doesn’t mean you have to go and draw attention to it.  Fuck you, fuck your breakfast, and fuck your colleague.  No really, he sounds like a nice guy.

#4. Shame on Google, indeed!

Uhm… there aren’t any images in that post.  I think they might have had a tabbed browsing accident.

Although, the reason why Google doesn’t rank Clever Musings higher is really stupid.  The search terms gears of war 3 criticism will yield dozens of results for gears of war 3 review.  Google thinks a criticism and a review are the same thing, but they aren’t.  No, in order to get to the content on Clever Musings, one must search for gears of war 3 “criticism” with quotation marks.  You have to force an exact match just to get relevant content.  ARGH, it fucking says Criticism in the post titles, so this really doesn’t make any goddamn sense.  It’s stupid.

So when I go to name my Skyrim posts?  Skyrim Review: A Critical Analysis of _____________.  Where the blank is filled in with whatever topic I’m talking about.  Take that, Google algorithms!  (I hate having to game the system.)

#3. The Same Thing That Causes Hairy Palms

I have no idea where I got my first impression from either.  It’s always a good plan to go on mission with uncertain information, too.

#2. Somewhat off topic?

If this were a real comment, then I would have deleted it anyway. One: it says on the front page what our platform is. Two: if you’re not going to stay on topic, then I’m not going entertain you. And for the record, asking about our blogging platform isn’t “somewhat” off topic, it’s not even on the same goddamn chart as the topic.

#1. There is no “completing” Skyrim

You used to check the site constantly?  I’m insulted.  If you checked it daily, and told your friends, and they checked daily, then Mr. Back Link Service wouldn’t be trying to hock his wares.

Also, asking how long it takes to complete Skyrim would probably have gotten a better response if you commented on one of the Skyrim articles.


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